From The Shadows
by lori-la-strange
Summary: He's finally being honest with himself...
1. Chapter 1

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OK, this just a random little one shot (or maybe just the start...) for you to suss out. It could be a deep look into one of the Boosh characters or the insane ramblings of a too tired student. I'll let you be the judge! First stab at angst. Sort of. **

OMG Beechwood0708 and Violence4! How lucky are we??? I'm so going to see them in Bristol dressed as an OTT electro girl! And yes, I'll be shrieking like a maniac too! My friends shall finally know the meaning of true embarrassment! Hehehe...

I'll say no more...

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Disclaimer: The Mighty Boosh belongs to Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding.

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"I don't feel like loving you no more..."

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be a shadow?

That sounds like a dumb question, I know. Not something an intellect like me should be wasting time pondering. It's more like something my simple best friend would ask. Once, I swear to you that he asked me, "Hey, If a turtle looses it's shell, is it naked or just homeless?!" I looked at him as if he was crazy (I do that a lot around him) before telling him I wouldn't even dignify that with an answer. I gave in of course, after he'd asked me for the fifty-thousandth time, chanting my name endlessly, his eyes wide and needy, exactly like a puppy's (even though that's a cliché, but it's still true. See? I know about clichés. I'm an intellectual, like I said. And a writer too.).

"Both Little Man! Okay? He's having a seriously bad day!"

He didn't appreciate my sarcasm. But that's what you get from being such a pain in the rear end!

He always gets what he wants from me. It's like he has some kind of hold on me, using electro voodoo or something...Come to think of it, he always gets what he wants from anyone. An angry rocker bouncer at a Slipknot concert couldn't resist that mod's charms. That's just the kind of person he is. When he enters the room, it's as if all other colours pale in comparison. Everything is shamefully dull when compared to him. When he enters the room, no other sounds matter except for what he says. Although it's always some form of electro drivel, it's more than worth a listen, because it lightens up any situation. Brightens up the world. Brightens up my world. This is good because if you're like me, you need cheering up more often than not.

He means more to me than I'll ever let on. So naturally, I pretend. I hide those little smiles his ridiculous ideas tease out from me behind a frown. Sometimes he sees right through them though with those knowing baby blues of his. I think that's the only reason why he can stand grumpy old me. Actually, he _likes_ my grumpiness. It makes him laugh, if you can believe it.

So yes, I am a shadow. I hide in his. But it's alright in there, because that's where I feel safe, and I know I'm happier there than I could ever be anywhere else. People think he tags around with me. Ever since the zoo days. The Fiercely Intelligent Explorer (yes that is me. Why do you snicker so?) and his pretty, happy go lucky companion. But that's not the way it is at all, no sir. I'm his shadow if anything. Of course I know all that stuff I said about me is bullshit. I'm the one who does the clinging. Like a little Northern Limpet, I hold on to him for dear life.

I'm terrified he's gonna break away one day. Blast away from me with his zesty energy, and fly to his inevitable stardom (like Pete Neon! Only I was going for the metaphor, not the creepy bird man...See? He's effected all of me. Even the way I think. Oh help me). It should have happened long before now. Perhaps there's a part of him that likes the shadows as much as I do? Maybe that's why he likes having me as a friend. Life can't be all sunshine and parties all the time. You need an anchor to keep you down to Earth. That's all I am to him. That's all I'll ever be to him. A big, old, grumpy anchor. But maybe that's alright too. I'll settle for that. It's not like this very masculine man needs more than that from him. Honest.

It's just...

Now I realize It's much better than nothing, even though I do want more from him. It's much, much better than a life without him.

So yes. I grumble. I sigh. I stay in his shadow, but it's just for show. Just to make me forget.

To make me forget the way I feel for one damn second.

And yes. For now, that is enough.

It'll have to be. Doesn't it?

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**Go on then, answer him!**

**Any thoughts about it? Go on! You know you want to.**

**Sorry if the tone was off...**

**Please have mercy xxx :)****

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	2. Chapter 2

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Okay, so it's not a one-shot though it was supposed to be :-)

I can't help it. Plus I don't want Violence4 to do anything drastic! All the great comments were so encouraging so I'll carry on. Thanks xxx

There are some references to the Crimp Off episode. Hope you've watched it.

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Disclaimer: Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding's. Don't forget series 3 comes out tomorrow - woohoo!! (I got it and one of the deleted scenes for Party is VERY interesting...think along the lines of my first story!) 

Oh and there's a Muse quote (Time is Running Out) because it's appropriate and they're the only thing I love as much as The Mighty Boosh!

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"I wanna break this spell that you've created"

We had an argument today.

Okay, I hear you. That's nothing new for us, is it really now? But this time it was because of something even more stupid than tarantula eggs in bananas or Lady Fame. At least on my part. Vince couldn't really understand why I was so annoyed with him. Can't blame him really.

I'm really starting to think there might be something seriously wrong with me. Which is strange because I always insist I'm perfect (I AM!). But he's taking over me. I know he is. All of me. Changing the way I think. The way I feel. Taking everything away that's me until all that's left is him. I can't bear it. He's so bloody oblivious, which is what gets to me the most, I suppose. So I focus on his flaws (I may have feelings for him, but I'm not that blind. He drives me crazy in more ways than one, as you know!). But the trouble is, all his flaws turn into something adorable when I'm thinking it in my head. His hair obsession becomes endearing. His flightiness balances us out until we're both complete. So I wrote a definitive list. Indelable and unchangable. Yes sir.

Okay, I know it's harsh, but I was (not) working in the empty shop and well...the mind wonders. I got so fed up of thinking brainlessly sweet thoughts about him that I decided I needed some anti-Vince therapy time. How dare he make me, Howard Moon into a moronic romantic! So this list just spilled out:

1. He cares about his hair waaay too much.

2. He follows all the flighty trends too much.

3. He cares about Top Shop (unnaturally) too much.

4. He doesn't care about my feelings too much. 

Yep. That's all I could come up with. It's a sickness I tell ya. It's plain sick, this hold he has over me.

I was leaning on the green counter, chewing on my parker pen (from stationary village of course), probably with an annoyed look on my face, when Vince must have bobbed up behind me. God knows how long he lurked there, reading over my shoulder like a glitzy prowling puma (yes, he can read, it really is shocking!).

"That best not be about who I think it is, Howard!" He shouted, breath hot on my shoulder.

His voice was high and indignant, he almost made me fall off my stool as I grabbed the list and flew across the shop as far away from him as possible. Being close too Vince is dangerous territory nowadays. I especially don't let him touch me. Ever. So I panicked. Yes sir, I panicked big time.

And lied. I'm getting better at that nowadays too.

"It sure is little man, _(damn, how did that affectionate nick name manage to spill out?) _it's all the things I hate about Lance Dior! You know, that tit-box who copied you?" I gabbled without hesitation _(tit-box? I really am insane!)._

Vince frowned and for one terrible moment I thought he wasn't going to buy it. I hate arguing with him. I mean seriously arguing (not when we bicker. That's strangely fun!). It didn't even make any sense anyway. Why would I give of stuff about Lance not caring about my feelings? It's just plain illogical, but it's all I could come up with at the time (even geniuses have intelligence lapses...writers block if you will). I needn't have worried though.

"Yeah he was a right spanner. What a weirdo! Though I can't blame him for wanting to copy me!"

5. Vanity.

He smiled at me so warmly, a smile filled with such good humour that I instantly felt bad. I'm such a crap friend. I don't know why he likes me. I don't even like me (There. You happy? I said it! Those Chinese burns aren't for nothing, you know). I tried not to look at him too. It gives away too much. They say eyes are the windows to the soul, so I definately don't want Vince prowling around there for too long (even if they are the size of a crab's! He'll still see something.). It's always hard. He always looks so good...

"Why you doing that anyway?" _uh-oh _I thought at the time, _he senses a hole in my logic, _"I thought you two were best buds? Practically had to beg you not to hang out with him instead of me, didn't I?!" _Then again, maybe not._

Okay he had a point there, but I'm surprised that even he couldn't remember how much I hated Lance. Especially after he rubbed Harold Boon in my face (my eyes ARE smaller. They are!).

Besides, I only pretended to consider his offer. I wanted Vince to tell me he needed me. Which he did (I'm SICK I told you!). But I couldn't very well say that, could I? So instead I settled for:

"Don't be so ridiculous Vince. As Naboo would say, I think he's a ball bag! Hence the list." Vince grinned at that, but still wouldn't drop it.

"I'm not being ridiculous! You aren't half fickle Howard!"

I'm the least fickle person ever, (you should know, if you're reading this. I'm deep.) so that rather annoyed me. He comes first with me. Always has. First, last and all the stages in between.

"I'm fickle?!" I practically shrieked, "You're the one who once dumped me for a cape, if I do remember correctly!"

"Well, yeah...It was a nice cape though wasn't it? All multi-coloured...gorgeous!" His face went all dreamy "But I did give it away to that tramp for you!" He cried triumphantly.

He got me there. That was quite a big deal in Vince terms. A huge gesture. I was willing to leave it there. I'd go and sit next to him behind the counter, maybe ask him why he so was late, to coax a funny anecdote from him for the book. Or possibly do a crimp. But then he said...

"Should've kept the cape!"

My jaw dropped.

"Should've chosen Lance!" I imitated instantly. I didn't mean it, of course. Vince has serious confidence issues when it comes to Lance and all things Flighty Zeus-y, so it was a cheap shot, even for me. Plus I knew he was only joking about the cape, but still it hurt no less. That wasn't his fault either. He doesn't know how I feel. I suppose that's what made me even madder.

"Oh no he didn't!" Vince cried, addressing an invisible audience dramatically, "Take it back!"

"No way sir. You take back the cape thing first." I was so annoyed that my phobia of being so close to Vince was temporarily forgotten. He leapt in front of the counter and I stood in front of him, practically nose to nose.

"I'm not taking it back. I'm leaving it out there for all to see! I loved my cape more than you!" He shouted, accidentally twisting the knife in, a mischievous grin on his face.

"I love syphilis more than you!" I shouted back. So not true. I realised this straight away, suddenly aware of how close we were. Aware of how wide his beautiful eyes were. Of the way his fluffy fringe casually fell in their path. I fought violently to not push it out of his eyes. Not to kiss those soft, full lips.

Vince gave me a vacant look, blissfully unaware.

"Nice comeback brain box. I don't even know what that means!"

"That's because you're an electro ponce with an IQ of a toddler!" A part of me hoped that using my mock angry name for him would cool us down. Like some kind of signal. But obviously Vince Noir is oblivious to all kinds of signals from me. I'd also unintentionally put my hands on the counter, either side of him and leaned forward, like I was trapping him between it and me. Uncomfortably close.

He must have noticed this finally, whilst racking his pretty brains for a comeback. So naturally he played the "Tease Howard" card.

"Oooh right here, right now Howard?" He asked suggestively, lashes batting, one tongue poised on his incisor flirtatiously, "In front of potential customers and all?"

Needless to say, I leapt back as if he were aflame, much to his amusement.

"Oh yeah! One-nil to Vince Noir, rock and roll star!" He laughed, the argument clearly was over for him. "Come on Howard, lets get some lunch yeah?"

I wanted to cry out in frustration. You have no idea how much I wanted to scoop him up in my arms and kiss him all over. Either that, or punch him one. Just to release these feelings somehow. But somehow I knew he'd appreciate neither. He was so infuriatingly blind to what he'd done to me. How much it literally hurts. There was nothing funny about his fake flirting at all. It would be spiteful if he'd done it on purpose. But it was just plain torture. Pure frustratrion. Which is probably why I threw the screwed up list at him, before rushing outside in a huff, to where it was safe.

Why can't he see what he does to me?

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Hope you liked and it wasn't too depressing. xxx

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	3. Chapter 3

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Oh wow! I mean...whoa! I'm so bowled over by your lovely reviews. They really do mean a lot to me (because I was quite proud of that last chapter).

Stars of Andromeda: I got series 3 early because my awesome friend works behind the counter of this store and she said they were already in the stock room on Saturday so she got me one (obviously I paid for it!). How cool is that?!

Violence4: Especially a big thanks to you and your lovely enthusiasm. Glad you're enjoying so much xxx

My computer is being extremely annoying so I'm having a lot of trouble updating and reviewing. Sorry.

It's longer to make up for it.

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Disclaimer: belongs to the lovely Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding. **And yes. That is a quote from The Killers - "Mr Brightside"

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"I just can't look, it's killing me"

I've gone and done it now, haven't I?

I am one thick Northern Bullet, I'm telling you.

It only happened because I was still extremely annoyed with him over the whole, flirtin' n hurtin' situation. So I blanked him for pretty much the rest of the day. Wasn't very grown up of me, I know. But as you've probably sensed by now, I'm not so good with dealing with emotions. Especially when it comes to him.

I am indeed the worst friend in the whole world. It's official. I'm the mayor of rubbish friend town. They should give me a sash and my own award. Could even call it The Howard. Indeed I am rambling, but that can't be helped either. What happened last night?

After my Race for Freedom outside of shop, I kept on running, like I was in my own little Howard Moon Marathon (I won). I hate running. Don't see the point in it at all. Important men such as myself shouldn't ever have to race for no-one (we arrive as, and when we choose). So anyway, I was running when suddenly I heard the moon chuckle at me.

"Eeeeew! Look at the little old man run. He's a running and he's all sweaty and horrible. Sweaty and horrible. Like an ice lolly when the stoopid sun comes out to play.

I like ice lollies. When you are the moon, you can eat as many as you want. Because...I think it's because the sun aint ever out to melt them. He's all stuck up and doesn't like the moon. Just because I licked his back. Once. Aww. Lollies."

Then, as is his custom, he turned away from me in disgust. Since his input was neither comforting nor particularly flattering (OR appreciated!), I did what any sane Man of Action would do when presented with such a situation. I stopped running and went to the nearest pub to get absolutely wasted.

So now I have one hell of a hangover and can't even think straight. So I'm writing in here, desperately trying to get my thoughts into some kind of logical order.

Oh God. Yes, I can think straight and all.

I think...Vince was there? Yes he was. And I said...

No I didn't. Did I? Oh god, please no!!

I have to calm down...I'll begin from the start. It's not as bad as it seems. At least, I hope so anyway.

So there I was, sat on a ropey old stool trying to order a freakin beer from a particularly obnoxious bar man (who looked strangely like Bob Fossil...just with thin, greasy, black hair).

"Got any ID Sonny? Driver's licence?" He sneered at me rather unpleasantly.

I frowned menacingly back - so not in the mood, "I'm over thirty years old for gods sake _(naturally I meant twenty! I'm not really that old, but hey, I was seriously stressed out)_ Just give me a bloody beer!" I exploded.

"Sure you are…More like over forty! I just meant are you driving? Can't serve drivers anymore. Police are hovering all over me about it, like a fat guy near hotdogs!"

Like hell they were. He just wanted to make me feel stupid. Well, no-one makes a monkey out of Howard Moon. No Sir.

"No, I'm not driving." I growled through gritted teeth, "Beer. Now."

"Manners go a long way son, you know!"

I really did growl at him then.

"Okay, jeez! Here ya go. Try not to pass out straight away mate, yeah? Now if you excuse me, I gotta go milk a cat." (It must have been Fossil in disguise really. Who else could it have been? Come on!)

So finally he left me alone in peace, lurking on the far edge of the sticky bar. All alone. A true maverick, in the worst sense of the word.

Could you blame me for feeling so low? Low. Such a small, insignificant word for what I felt. I was lower than low. Beneath rock bottom, bellow a layer of crap. There's hell and then there's me. So yes, I was indeed a maudlin nightmare.

"Hi honey. Is that seat taken?" I heard a sexy voice purr.

I didn't even look up. "Sod off!"

I remember hearing a noise like "Humph!" followed by a charming, "How gay are you?!" as she walked away. It was such an ironic question that I started laughing. I must have looked -as Vince would say- well creepy. But it was either that or start crying. I just couldn't help it.

By this point I was starting in on the vodka. Normally such a brew would have knocked me out cold. Make no mistake, I'm tough, like an old (yet strangely attractive) boot, but I like safe fun. A couple of beers, and then home. But today I just didn't care at all.

So there I was, giggling like a Cheshire Cat, tears in my eyes. I was slumped over and all, like some hunchback having a nervous breakdown. AND I had the hiccups too. The perfect combination. That's great, that is. I suppose I shall be returning there, oh, in about...never.

The depressing thoughts sunk in then. I found I was whining to some random woman (I think it was a woman anyway) who reminded me of Amy Winehouse about my precious Vincey-Wincey.

"I just _-hic-_ feel like _-hic-_ I love him so much, you know?"

"Whatever, you berk. Ew! Get off me!" She sighed, shrugging me off her arm. And with that, she left. That's right, I scared off the scary, serious drinker/biker woman. What an achievement. I guess that's just the standard, universal reaction to me now.

With no-one left to moan to, I was suddenly left alone with my thoughts. This was very bad news. All I could think of was angry and sad thoughts about **him**. Which I admit, is horribly unfair of me.

Why doesn't he notice the way I feel? Maybe he does and just doesn't feel the same way. Yeah, bet that's it. Why the hell would he ever want me? The only person who showed a vague interest in me had a mangina and an unhealthy obsession for Baileys...Guess I should have stuck with him. He was more in my league and all...

Okay, I was practically sobbing into an empty pint glass by now. I was at the point where I just wanted to go home. I even wanted to see Vince. Just to say I was sorry for being such a knob to him before (although I now realise I behaved reasonably. What else could I have possibly done in that situation I ask you? Not that!). But I didn't do any of those things. I just sat there, not budging. Vince's handsome face lurking in my mind (it happens a lot).

And suddenly there he was. As if I'd conjured him up out of sheer longing.

He did not look happy.

"Hey Howard, where the hell have you been? I've been looking all over for you!" He sounded a little annoyed, but I didn't care.

"It's Vinsh!" I cried, flying at him.

His eyes widened in shock as I hugged him with all my might, "Ah Howard!" He shrieked in surprise (I never touch him. Not EVER.) "What you doing?! Howard are you drunk?!" He asked, voice going all high (which made me giggle!).

"No-no I'm not!" I slurred, snuggling into him (how embarrassing). He propped me up as best he could as I leaned heavily on him, breathing in his Vince-y scent (Alco pops and trendy aftershave - and though he insists Goths don't even grow facial hair!).

"Yes you are! Look at your eyes...they're all weird and not just because of their size - you're wasted!" He sounded VERY annoyed now (which is weird for him) but with a tangible trace of his trademark amusement.

"Don't be mad." I mumbled, feeling randomly tearful again (I hate it when he's unhappy).

"I 'aint. I'm made of sunshine, you know that. You just had me worried is all." He sighed, "I guess I better get you home. Make you some Resolve or summit."

"Mmm lovely Vince. Yesh please. Wanna go home." I mumbled, suddenly feeling tired. But strangely happy. Vince was holding me. Really holding me as opposed to leaving me behind in disgust like I thought he would. Like he rightly should do.

He dragged me out into the street, moaning as he did so.

"Jeez Howard, how much do you weigh, you fool! Walk!" He ordered, pouting a little.

"Trying, I'm trying," I burbled. But I'd seemed to have lost total control of my limbs (from the devil's urine known as alcohol) and was clinging to Vince fiercely .

"Honestly, this is so irresponsible of you Howard!" He huffed.

I burst out laughing at that. It was as if we'd switched roles, but luckily I had enough sense not to say that out loud. He'd have dropped me in the street right there and then.

I did unleash some of my thoughts when we got home though. Unfortunately.

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"You're so lovely Vince d'you know that?" I slurred pathetically, collapsing on the couch.

"Yeah, yeah. Of course I do," He replied, sounding a tad impatient and downright annoyed.

Could you blame him? It had started raining on our way home and if there's one thing Vince can't stand, it's rain hair. Come to think of it, I don't know why didn't he leave me there on the street as soon as he'd felt the first droplets, shrieking for cover, like I've seen him do before on many occasions. Strange. What was even stranger - he didn't rush off to sort his barnet out as soon as we'd got back, but instead stayed with me. This was nice and all, but now I kind of wish he hadn't.

He sat next to me, "You aint gonna throw up again are you? 'Coz that just wasn't pleasant!"

"Nope...Hmm pleasant! That's what you are!" I giggled, poking him in the chin.

He looked at me like I'd grown a third eye, before suddenly laughing sweetly (to my relief), "Yay! I forgot how much fun Drunk Howard is! Way more fun than Regular Howard!" he poked me back in the stomach. Not the best thing to do to a belly full of vodka. He's lucky I didn't barf on him right then. But then again, that's him all over, isn't it? Plain lucky.

I made a mock gagging noise, laughing hysterically when Vince leapt out of vomit range at lightening speed.

He realized I was joking, before joining me on the sofa once again, "You're a prize nutter Howard! When you intellectuals let go, you really go don't you? Hehe, I love drunk Howard!" He laughed.

"And I love you too. Really, really love you Vincey." He stopped laughing and deathly silence ensued. Needless to say, the vomit feeling returned.

Yes.

I said it.

And I sure meant it.

And guess what he said back?

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Love ya too Howard. Now you gonna go to bed or what?"

And that was it. He didn't mean it like that, of course not. He didn't take me seriously. Even laughed a little. Never had his laughter been so upsetting to me.

So with a frustrated, **"Vince!"** I passed out right across his lap in despair.

Which is where I woke up to today. Obviously Vince had gone, but not before covering me with a blanket, which did make me smile briefly. But how the hell can I possibly face him today? He'll definitely have questions, most of them I won't be able to answer. Oh god! What if some of what I said finally has sunk into that pretty, little brain of his?! I won't be able to bear it if that's true.

Basically, I'm screwed if I tell him, and screwed if I don't (last night was a shining example of both). I know this, and the knowledge of it really is killing me.

I realise what I need. What I have to do. What I must do.

I have to get away.

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My computer's so messed up that I'm having serious trouble updating. Hope you like though. xx

I'm having a lot of trouble getting on here. If anyone has any advice, it would be appreciated.

:-)


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to all the lovely people who've reviewed. Thanks for bearing with me. It's such a struggle to upload new chapters on here suddenly and I don't know why. If anyone has any advice...**

**Really wish I could comment on your stories too...but it won't let me!! Grrrrr!**

**Of course it would stop working now its half term and I have spare time! Double grrrr.**

**Disclaimer: All belongs to Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding xxx**

**Today's quote is from Robots in Disguise "The Tears".**

_**"I'm your slave, got to taste the tears"**_

"You're such a ball bag Howard!"

Just what every guy with an excruciatingly bad hangover wants to hear first thing in the morning.

"Bollo agrees. Howard very stupid."

No wait. I lied. It isn't.

"Whatever." I groaned, my head in my arms.

"Really Howard, a man of your age shouldn't start on spirits. It's seriously bad juju."

Before I could ask Naboo what the hell he'd meant by "my age", Vince cut in, "Hey! Back off guys," he suddenly ordered, frowning at Naboo and Bollo as we sat around the little kitchen table.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of pride. Vince was leaping to my defence, actually sensing the emotional state I was in (not to mention the physical state too...one hell of a headache and an incredibly queasy stomach. I feel like I'm gonna do a vom-up).

I looked up at him and flashed him a wearily grateful smile, only to receive the same ferocious frown back (well, as ferocious as Vince can manage) to my surprise.

"I'm the one who gets to tell him off!" He exclaimed to the others before turning on me, "Do you know how worried we got last night? You know you can't take your drink. What were you thinking?!"

There was a sudden silence in the kitchen as we all looked at each other then back to Vince. I don't think any of us knew what was up with him. Since when did he care so much about me anyway?

"Uh-hum! Anyway I think me and Bollo oughta open up shop..." Said Naboo, edging out of our presence, looking uncomfortable.

"But it's Sunday Naboo. No shop on Sunday."

"Shut up Bollo!" Cried Naboo, nudging the simple gorilla out of the room with a look of pure annoyance on his face.

I wish I could have gone with them. I couldn't bear the way Vince was looking at me. It was like he was actually disgusted with me. What had I done that was so terrible anyway? I got drunk! Shudder-gasp! How could I?

No wait, we always get drunk. It's no big deal at all really.

"What the hell's your problem?" I shouted back as soon as the others were barely out of the room (the shouting was more out of confusion than anger I suppose).

"I just said you ass!" He shot back, ever the poet, "You got all narky with me in the shop for no reason - when I was just messing around, like we always do! Then you throw a ball of paper at me, stormed off and that was that. I didn't know what happened to you...I got all worried and all."

I felt really bad then. He was looking at me through his fringe, a look of unmistakable hurt on his face. I don't want him to worry. And I definitely don't want him to hurt inside. So I was about to make up with him, but then he said...

"You acted like a total spanner for no reason at all! I just don't get you Howard. Is it a mid-life crisis or summit?"

Thanks! He was obviously still utterly clueless. Always would be.

"No! Look, I'm a big boy Vince; I'll do what I want. I don't have to consult you before I do something. We're not joined at the hip you know. I don't have to do everything with you sir"

He looked downright miserable then.

"Since when did you not want to do things with me?" He whispered, a little shocked. I suppose, it did come out a little harsher than I intended, still I felt annoyed. Everything's gotta be about him (even though it is but whatever-that's _so _not the point. It isn't!).

"I didn't say that. Jeez Vince, you're like a bloody puppy." I sighed, my voice wavering. I got up, trying to dodge my way to my room and away from that heartbreaking look he was giving me. And suddenly there he was, standing in the way, hands gripping my shoulders, up close and personal. Too personal. Steadying me. No, imprisoning me, his face was alarmingly close to mine.

"Howard. What's really up with you really? What's up with _us?"_ He sounded so unusually crestfallen, so caring that I almost...I don't know what I almost did. I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to kiss him, because he was finally acting like he cared. I wanted to push him away from me as hard as I could, for being so ignorant. I wanted to do all of those things and so much more. But I couldn't. Instead, I settled for shrugging his hands off my shoulders fiercely. Just to get away from that damn look.

"Nothing. Okay Vince? Absolutely nothing." I lied, trying not to cry as he held on to me.

"But Howard-

"Get off of me!" He gave up, looking unbearably distressed, "Just leave it right?" I yelled, inexplicably angry as I retreated to the safety of my room.

I am never coming out again.

How can I? I know he is hurting. I am too. I never wanted to make him feel that way. But I can't seem to help it. I used to be so good at hiding these feelings, but now I can't take it. I don't even know how I got this way - it was so sudden.

No it wasn't. I know that's a lie. It was gradual. Always there. These feelings - confusing me. Torturing me.

Love shouldn't have to be this way. But it is, and I don't see how that could ever change. He sees me, his friend. Just his friend. And what a mate I am. Look at what I've done to him. I can hear him out there. Naboo must come back (if he even left that is. He could have been lurking in the flat the whole time. Hiding and listening. He's so small and compact...) because I can hear him asking him desperately for advice, his voice pained and desperate. I put on some jazz music. Loud. Just so I don't have to hear him anymore. It fails to block him from my mind though. I see the look of utter confusion and sadness in his eyes as I move away from his grasp. It's so ironic. I flinch away, terrified of his touch when all I really want to do is hold him so badly.

I can't do this to myself anymore.

More importantly, I can't do this to him anymore.

Well, maybe just one more time.

When I tell him I have to go.

It'll kill us for a while, but in the end, I know it's better for both of us.

**Still hoping you like xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**This site is driving me crazy. Seriously. But I'm determined not to give up because of your kind reviews. But updating will take a lot longer than it used to.**

**I'm so annoyed with this, so this will probably be my last story :-(**

**But glad you're still enjoying! **

**Disclaimer: Belongs to Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding (who I'm sure we'll all stalk when the tour rolls round!)**

**Today's quote is randomly from Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn" (I heard it on my mate's Sing Star lol)**

**A/N: Yes I am going to change the perspective (not just Howard's thoughts). Know I shouldn't - sue me!**

_**"Illusion never changed, into something real"**_

"But you can't...You just can't! Please Howard. Please don't do this."

I look away. His expression and tone are unbearable. I find I'm desperately trying not to cry, as is he. I can hear the pain throbbing in his voice and I can't take it.

I hate myself now more than ever.

"Please don't make this harder Vince. It's just something I have to do." I said, my voice sounded equally distraught as his was.

"Why?! You don't have to leave me Howard. You _can't_." He sounded shrill, desperate like a child. His voice broke on my name. I hated the way he kept saying it. It was so raw and full of emotion, as if merely saying it was going to change my mind.

It wouldn't. I couldn't let it. I had to be strong and do the right thing.

But how can I? How can I when he's the only thing that makes me so weak?

"I can't explain. I'm so sorry. It's just...I have to do some things Vince." I lied, frantically trying to staunch the pool of tears that were now gathering in his eyes. Those eyes. Usually filled with such happiness and light. I hated seeing them like this. I didn't want to take his light away. I hated to see them so wide and pleading.

We'd had conversations about this subject before of course. Whenever he'd leave me to temporarily join the latest band, or whenever I'd go off briefly to pursue an acting/writing/jazz career (I'm a man of many talents. Doesn't matter that none of them worked out. I'm an unappreciated genius in my own time...I am). But this was different. Even he could sense that. He could see the determination and sadness in my voice. He couldn't possibly fail to interpret this as seriousness. We weren't going to reunite after some wacky adventure concluded with a humorous plot twist. No. This time it was...Well, it felt more permanent.

Because it would be. That's what I told him later in the evening, when we finally had the flat to ourselves (Bollo and Naboo had gone off to some roller disco or something like that). I didn't want an audience. Needless to say, it was not going well. At first he didn't even believe me.

"Whatever Howard - your face! Don't be so dramatic! We both know you won't be long. Bring me some Twiglets when you get back yeah?"

I had to admit, that annoyed me. Rather a lot. He was laughing as he said it and all, unable to see it was taking everything out of me, just to tell him.

"No Vince. This time I'm serious. I'm going back to Leeds where I plan to stay - indefinitely."

All I got back from him was a blank look.

"That means 'forever'," I translated for him.

I suppose he finally started to believe me from that point on. That's when it got harder. Painful even. Like now.

"Look, whatever you have to go and do, we can do it together, like we always do." He cried at me, giving me a watery smile as if that would convince me. I suppose it always did. But I can't let it now.

"No. I need to do this alone Vince." I say, trying to turn away from him and that laser gaze.

"LOOK AT ME." He suddenly screamed, making me jump. He never looses it like this, so it's almost frightening, "Why can't you look at me anymore?" He shouts, looking furious, tears sliding down his cheeks.

He looks like he's in so much pain. I don't know what to do. What to say. I can't believe he's actually noticed.

"I don't know what you mean," I insisted, choking on my own words. It's terrible of me, but what else can I say? I know he deserves better than that. He deserves the truth. But how can I possibly tell him? I'm pretty certain he hates me now. That fact alone is what makes me cry the most.

I'm horrified as I see the last of despair in his eyes become replaced by complete anger. But to my surprise, what he says next is not a shout. It's cold and calm. That scares me even more.

"Fine, don't tell me then. See if I care."

He struggles to pull his coat on as he heads for the door, tears very likely obscuring his view.

"Vince?! Where you going?" Now I'm the one who's trying to stop him leaving, desperately. I grab for him, my own line of vision also impaired.

"Get off me," he cries, throwing my own words back at me as he shakes my hand off his shoulder violently.

"Have a nice life Howard." He sobs as he closes the door on me.

Closes that door on me forever.

"And-and then he-he goes - I'm leaving you," I find myself sobbing uncontrollably.

I don't even know where I am, who I'm talking to. I don't feel like myself anymore. It's like I'm outside of my own body, seeing this stranger stumble through the streets like a futuristic prostitute in despair.

That's what Howard calls me.

Oh Howard.

"Get away from me!"

Reluctantly, I back away from the very alarmed woman. I just wanted to tell someone. To have someone listen to me. Anyone. Normally I'd tell Howard if something's upset me. But clearly that's not possible. He's the one who's made me feel this way. I can't believe it.

I'm not so good with handling all this serious stuff, so someone has to help me suss things out. She looked like a really nice old woman and all, standing on that bus stop. She had that warm look about her, all kind and caring. The way a Granny's supposed to look (if she's not called Nanatoo that is) so I'd thought just maybe she could help. Not pull a pepper spray out on me.

"I'm warning you lady! I can kick ass if I need to." She hissed, looking at me like I was some kind of...well...Howard.

This made me cry harder. Trust me to pick out a wacko, kung-fu Grandma.

I truly am pathetic. Scared of a little old lady. And I apparently look like a transvestite. Fantastic.

My heels clack on the cobbles as I try to back further away from her. I wanted to tell her that I mean no harm. Either that or tell her to shove that spray up her ass. But I couldn't find my the words. Couldn't catch my breath.

He's leaving me. I mean, _really _leaving me.

What did I do to deserve this?

"You're still not far away enough!" The old bat crowed.

That's because she was following me. Clearly demented. I don't know what to do. I feel like decking her, but obviously that's not an option...

"Hey, what's going on here then Vince?"

I turn to see Naboo - my saviour in blue - standing beside her, hands on his hips, a priceless look of confusion on his face. It would have been funny if I wasn't you know, all dying inside.

"This young lady's pestering meeeee!" The old lady insists (guess she's not lying, but that's hardly the point). Yet that very statement is enough to reassure him that this woman's clearly off her nut. I feel Bollo put a protective, furry arm around me.

"Yeah whatever...clear off Granny scroggins," Said Naboo coolly. For one second I thought she was gonna start on him too (now that would be funny to see) but she soon leaves once Bollo growls at her.

"Grrr get away!"

"What a nut sack." Naboo says, shaking his head a little as he watches her trail down the street.

Both of them suddenly look at me. Finally noticing the state I'm in.

"It's alright Vince. She's gone now. Don't mess your pants." Says Naboo, looking shocked.

As if I'd be crying over a Psycho Nana (like I said, I've faced them before). I try desperately to put them straight but the words just won't come. They don't need to.

"It's Howard...he's...he said...Howard said..."

_Ican'tbreatheIcan'tbreatheIcan'tbreathe..._

Not without him, I just can't.

They both swap looks of concern, sensing something's really wrong and before I know it, Naboo's arm is around me too and suddenly they're steering me away from that bus stop (hopefully not to the flat though. Please no).

I don't know where we're going. I don't know how to ask them. I don't know what to tell them when they start asking questions. I don't know where to even begin.

I'm Vince Noir. I shouldn't even get upset. Since when did I need Howard Moon like this anyway? Since when could he make me fall apart so badly? I'm so confused, it hurts.

"Vince, what's up?"

How can I possibly answer them when I can't even answer myself?

**Oh, I've depressed myself a wee bit now! **

**Do not fear though, I have a plan...**


	6. Chapter 6

**So happy people are still liking...Thanks for all your reviews.**

**I wish I could review back but website still isn't working properly. ARRRGH! Sorry. It's so frustrating.**

**A/N: Beechwood0708 - I don't know what's up with there being no line between the POVs...Could have sworn I put one in! Sorry**

**Stars Of Andromeda - So sorry I've depressed you hun. Don't worry, I'm working on it! I've injected a little more humour into this one. xx

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**

**Disclaimer: So not mine. Belongs to Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding.**

**The quote is from an IAMX song of the same name (IAMX are so amazing...the singer is Noel's mate!).

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_**"This will make you love again..."**_

"NO! You're not doing it right Howard! Cheater! Cheater!"

"Look I'm trying, you electro poof! How the heck are you doing this?!"

"What can I say? I'm all bendy like a glow stick!" Vince giggles.

"Right foot red Howard - RED!" Interrupts Naboo from the counter he's sat on, as I grumble and Vince laughs his daft head off. The cringe-worthy tones of Gary Numan flow through the pleasantly warm summer air...

It's Vince's birthday, so naturally we're playing Twister (as you do). The mat is spread across the shop floor and Vince and I are all tangled up together on it, like two daft pretzels. This situation is far out my comfort zone. I'm an intellectual (I keep saying that, but it is true I swear!) after all, not a borderline simpleton. But I do it anyway. Only because it's _his _birthday and it's what _he_ wants to do until his party tonight. I'd only get grief if I were to refuse. Which I don't (refuse I mean) because I wouldn't want him to get all annoyed on his birthday. Already I know I have feelings for him that are stronger than mere friendship. But it's not too bad - yet. But still the game is slightly awkward.

"Ha-ha. Howard has big bum." I hear Bollo guffaw as I bend to reach the next move.

"That's it!" I cry, jumping up which in turn makes Vince collapse, still laughing away.

"Aww come on Howard, he doesn't mean it!" He splutters, lying flat on his back on the mat, looking up at me with those blue orbs of his.

"I don't care if he doesn't; this game is just undignified for a man like me!" I insist, looking away, partly to stop myself from laughing too. He looks so cute. So ridiculous in his mirror ball suit (complete with some of the biggest, shiniest birthday badges ever seen by man), his hair all fanned out and fluffy...

"Yeah, come on small eyes, don't be such a party pooper," taunts Naboo, "You promised Vince you'd do whatever he wants for his birthday!"

"And I have haven't I?" I sigh, mentally ticking off the tasks he'd set me. "I've collected his twenty bags of mail from the post office - ridiculously full of birthday things may I add, got him that special type of cookie dough he likes that you can only have shipped in from Italy AND I bought him those new, 100 Euro silver Chelsea boots!"

"You forgot to invite Gary Numan round." Grunts Bollo shaking his head at my stupidity.

They don't know I'm working on it. I may have to lock him in a cupboard when I capture Gary though, Vince scared him last time they met by trying to lick him...

"Don't worry 'bout it Bollo you can take his place for a bit," Smiles Vince, finally relenting (or so I thought), "Howard's been a total star today. And you forget, he's gotta rest his old man bones more than we do!"

"That's it, you little tit!" I yell, before diving on him and giving him a merciless tickling.

"Get off me you jazz creep! Ah no! Get him Bollo!" Vince yells, doubling up with laughter.

Soon I have a gorilla on me too, as we all roll around, laughing and shrieking on that Twister mat...

This happy little memory is about half a year old, but now it seems like a lifetime ago.

* * *

"_Have a nice life Howard."_

Oh god, that's really what he said. Wasn't it?

What have I done?

I can't live a nice life now. Not without him. It's impossible.

I have to find him, just to see if he's alright if nothing else. Because what else can I do? I really can't tell him how I feel. There's absolutely no point at all. He'll never say. "Yeah me too Howard!" like I've imagined him saying so many times. I'm leaving anyway. And he hates me now. I see that last cold look he gave me, and I can't stand it.

I have to make sure he's alright though, whether he hates me or not.

I grab my coat and leave the flat before I can change my mind.

* * *

We sit in the warmth of some kind of Starbucks. At least I think that's what it is. It's hard to tell when your looking out of tear filled eyes.

I never hang out at Starbucks. It just seems like such an average place. All dull and stuff.

Uh oh, I'm hanging out here now, I must be dull too. Yikes.

"Now come on Vince, why don't you tell us what's going on with you?"

I want to say "How 'bout no Naboo? I don't feel like talking ever again," but that might be a bit too textbook melodramatic. I can't believe I'm even considering saying such a thing anyway. Since when did I ever not want to talk about me? That's like, my favourite subject ever.

"Don't feel like it."

If I thought Naboo and Bollo looked worried before, that was nothing compared to the looks I was getting now.

"Maybe we should call Doctor?" Asks Bollo.

"No, you ballbag. He just needs some words of advice from Naboo is all. Just to talk."

This annoys me a lot. More than a lot actually, like whenever Topshop closes on me. How does he know all I need is a little pep talk from the lisping wonder? Does he really think I'd be in hysterics over something that easily solved? I love Naboo and all, but he aint half a plank sometimes.

"Come on Vince. Tell us what's wrong."

They're like the most bizarre therapeutic team ever, but they're all I got. I let it all pour out. Everything. I find I'm sobbing again as I recount our argument.

To my surprise, they don't laugh at my extreme spazzynes. They look at me intently, with concern and total concentration, until I'm done. Then Naboo passes me some napkins and Bollo hands me a hot chocolate. I wrap my hands around its comforting warmth and await their verdicts.

"So come on then, tell me. I'm crazy aren't I? Getting all worked up over bloody Howard." I sniffle, dabbing at my eyes. Bet I look a right mess and I don't even care (shocking!).

"Yes."

"Bollo!" Shouts Naboo. Bollo lets a little yelp of pain out. His leg has obviously become a new victim of Naboo's pointy little, shaman shoes.

"No of course it's not crazy. You're best mates. Always together and all that."

"Would you get upset if I left Naboo?" Interrupts Bollo.

"Well...yeah I would. But don't tell the others, yeah?"

While all this is true enough, it's hardly helpful. I tell them as much.

"Well, what else do you want me to say Vince?" Asks Naboo, eyebrows raised.

"Well...I don't know. Help me figure out how to make him stay, maybe? Or help me work out why he's going? Or why his leaving is hurting me so much?" This comes out in one long, sarcastic rant concluded with a pathetic, "Fix me!"

My little outbreak achieves another special look from Naboo. This one seems to say _You're right, you are crazy!_

"You know what? Forget it. If you're just gonna look at me like I'm mad-"

"That's not what that significantly deep look is saying Vince." He interrupts airily before I can storm out. "It's asking, are you stupid?"

"Oh much better!" I sulk, suddenly feeling too tired.

Bollo lets out a little titter, "Vince pretty but dumb."

"Why am I?!" My voice breaks, reaching the high notes indignantly (I learnt that word from Howard. Just don't ask me to spell it).

"Because the answer to all your questions are so bleeding obvious," He sighs, looking a little frustrated himself.

"Oh really? Spell it out for us then Mr Smarty-Blue-Pants!"

Oh boy, does he.

"You're in love with each other."

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**Hehe! xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Oh yeah! Fan Fic is back in business lol :)**

**It's really working - woohoo!**

**I'm really glad people liked the last chapter. To be honest, I suck at angst so we really needed some humour...**

**I'll finish by saying two words. BOOSH MOVIE!!!!!!!!

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**

**Disclaimer: Belongs to the wonderful Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt.**

**The quote is from Evanescence's beautiful "My Immortal".

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_**"But you still have, all of me..."**_

"You're totally mad!" I shriek, giggling nervously for some unknown reason, "that's so mental!"

Also, for some equally random reason I found I was on my feet, standing behind my chair, kind of using it as a shield against him. Like I was defending myself from his crazy accusations (it wasn't really helping I suppose, but points for trying).

He looks at me now, completely cool and composed, as if he were totally used to calling his best friends gay and having said friend brandish a chair at him. Wouldn't put it past him actually...

"Is it really?" He asks in that infuriating way. You know what I mean. The way that seems to say: _listen to me, foolish mortal! You know I'm always right - Ballbag!_

"Yeah, but you can't be serious! You are joking aren't you?" I laugh, desperation edging into my voice a bit. That's weird for me - innit? I'm really not the desperate type. Now Howard on the other hand...

"Naboo never jokes. Has no sense of humour." Says Bollo solemnly.

"Hey, I do!" Frowns Naboo, "I just happen to be deadly serious about this."

"Though it is funny though. Vince too good for-

"Shut it Bollo!" Hisses Naboo, his frown is now so deep I find I'm wondering how he can even see anymore.

I know what Bollo was gonna say anyway (I'm not that thick), "_Vince to good for Howard". _Nowwhy would Naboo feel the need to stop him saying that? Oh right, because he thinks I'm in love with him! Yeah right...

I find I'm laughing again at the idea. It's so crazy, what else can I possibly do? I'm Vince Noir. I don't get deep feelings for anyone. Especially not Howard Moon AKA Jazz Spanner.

_Why?-_I hear you ask. Because he's my friend. Also because I'm straight. Plus he's so not my type at all and...well...

He hurt me.

I mean, really hurt me. Why would I be in love with someone who could do that to me?

I'm so occupied by all this random crap floating around my noggin that I forget I'm still laughing. Dementedly, I'm afraid to say.

"Vince, stop it! You're looking well creepy."

"I think you broke him with the truth Naboo. Vince now a spaz." Agrees Bollo, shaking his head sadly.

Needless to say, I snap out of it.

"Bollo!" I choke out, "You believe him too?"

"Of course. Naboo very wise."

I sigh at this.

"Plus Howard and Vince are meant to be," I felt a little choked up at his sincerity, at least until he adds, "Even though Howard is a jerk-off."

Nice!

"Okay, you guys have gone well weird, I'm starting to think you're being serious." I squeak, voice suddenly high.

"We are." Says Naboo.

"Are you stoned or summit?"

"Yeah! But that's not why I'm saying all this. Howard's obviously going away 'coz he thinks you don't feel the same. But we all know you do." He grins dopily, looking pleased with this analysis.

I'm not so pleased. For some reason it makes me want to cry. I don't know why.

"Thanks a lot Oprah," I say sarcastically, before making a sudden dash for the exit before they can see my expression.

I don't stop jogging until I'm far away from that awful coffee shop (which is quite an achievement with white heeled boots and tight, blue skinnys. Let alone eyes full of tears).

I need to process this information. It's too much for my mind to handle. I'll break it down...

Howard not happy.

Vince not happy either.

Howard leaving.

Vince very sad.

All because...

Howard love Vince.

And...

Vince love Howard???

Ahh! It's insane. I'm giving myself a migraine! It can't be true can it?! He has the dress sense of a blind llama, is totally obsessed with jazz (shudder!) AND is a moody old git.

But he's MY moody old git.

He so kind. He also cares a lot about me, I know. Like when I got all infected by that skanky jazz virus. He still saved me, even though I'd taken a big old bite out of his precious jazz record. I can be such a man-bitch to him sometimes, but he still looks after me. Like how he made sure I had a job to go to after school at the wacky Zooniverse. Crazy times. Groovy days...

Images of Howard suddenly fill up my head. Howard and me crimping. Howard painstakingly setting up stationary village. Howard scatting for all he's worth...

Howard Howard Howard.

My Howard.

Oh god. I can't let him leave. I just can't. I have to see him. Then I'll know. Then I'll know how I feel. Yeah.

"Please don't be gone already Howard." I suddenly beg out loud as I race back towards the flat like my life depends on it.

And in a way, I guess it kind of does.

* * *

I've been everywhere...Leroy's, the pub, even the jazz club (hey, it could happen. He may have got smart and figured I wouldn't look there. Or not...). I can't think where else he could have gone.

"Damn it!" I thump my hands on a nearby dumpster (that was outside of Vince's beloved Topshop. Worth a try seeing if he's there I thought, even if it's not open. I swear I once saw him mewing outside the doors after having had consumed a shameful amount of alcohol pops one night...).

My knuckles are bleeding. It hurts, but what does it matter? It's nothing compared to what I feel inside.

The little guy's not that bright. He obviously doesn't want to be found if he can hide this well. Maybe I should give up. Go back to the flat and wait for him.

I already know that's not really an option. If I go back, I know I'll wimp out and pack my bags. Get the hell out of there before he even comes back. The cowards way out.

I'm no coward. I'm Howard Moon! Man of...

Aw screw it. I can't make myself believe that anymore than I can convince myself that Vince will forgive me before I go.

So why bother?

I back away from the bin I'm slumped on and head for home, where I can gather my belongings in peace and get the hell out of there.

"Sorry Vince," I whisper sadly into the night.

_"Oy! Flipping idiot! That bird, umm Vince. She's around the corner-I think. She's really funny looking. Funny looking...Just like you and your little eyes, funny looking little running man! Heh-heh!"_

I glare up at the simpleton moon, before realising what on Earth he meant.

"Vince?" I gasp, "Vince!" I call out a little louder before darting around the nearest shop corner.

I barely hear the moon grumble before turning his back on us, "_You're welcome! Ungrateful, small running, funny eyed man..."_

It is Vince. I see him. Stood a little further up the street from me. He sees me too. Oh dear. Oh no. What am I gonna say to him?!

* * *

I did hear him call my name and all.

I see Howard, peeking around the corner at me, looking all shy and dorky (as Howard often does).

My heart beat speeds up.

It's as if time's slowed down for us. All earthly sounds fade away, until it's just him and me.

We both slowly step towards each other, unable to break eye contact despite being at such a distance.

Suddenly I feel unbearably nervous (another first for me).

The moonlight casts an eerily beautiful glow across the empty street as we move closer.

What am I gonna say?

I don't know what's gonna happen - what I'm gonna do. All I know is one thing.

Naboo really is right.

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	8. Chapter 8

**Final chapter!**

**Warning: Howard and Vince are so getting together in this (or are they???). The rating has been upped for a reason though... **

**A HUGE thanks to everyone who's reviewed. You're all stars xxx**

**A/N So mega sorry if I made anyone's spleen fall out:-o**

**Plus there's going to be quite a lot of POV switches. I hope it's not too confusing.

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**Disclaimer: Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding own this (of course!)**

**The quote's from...I'm really not sure! Shrek?! lol

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_**"I'm accidentally in love..."**_

I can't do this.

Vince obviously hates me now. And even if he doesn't...well, nothing's changed has it? I'm still leaving. My feelings are unreciprocated as always. Aren't they?

Then again, if he hates me so much, then why's he walking towards me now? Oh no. I know why! He's gonna hit me for being such a knob to him isn't he? Yes that's gotta be it.

No wait, if that's true...then why is he smiling???

* * *

I can't wait any longer. This has to be the longest freaking walk to him in my life.

It's _Howard_. My Howard. How dare he make me **- me **of all people - feel nervous?

Suddenly I charge at him. I was never one to wait, so why start now?

"Howard!"

I find I'm laughing as he covers his face and recoils in terror, as if I'm gonna hit him or something.

Plonker!

As soon as I reach him, I instantly pounce, pulling him into a great, big hug.

He staggers back from my weight before letting out a strangled, "Viiiince!"

He struggles for a few minutes, but to no avail (ha ha!). There's no way I'm letting him go! I hold on like a deranged (yet very fashionable) limpet, clinging to him for dear life.

I laugh, totally expecting the words "don't touch me!" to follow. But it doesn't. Instead, to my surprise (and extreme pleasure) his arms go round me as he hugs me back fiercely.

"I'm so relieved," He murmurs "I didn't want to part on bad terms…"

I decide to ignore **that **and whisper determinedly into his shoulder, "You're not going anywhere Howard Moon."

"What do you mean by that...?" He chokes, voice muffled by my embrace.

"You know what I mean," I don't know where all this courage has come from, but I'm very glad it's there; "You know you can't leave me."

Sadly, he pulls away from me then, "Vince...uh...I've got to little man. You don't understand..."

"Don't understand what?" I take a deep breath, might as well go for it now... "That you're madly in love with me and think you have to leave coz you think I don't feel the same?"

He gasps hard and leaps back. It's as if I've hit him. My heart feels like it's gonna burst. I can tell by his expression, that this was so not the best course of action to take. But I'm tired. So tired of lying and pretending. All I know is how I feel and that now is the time to do something about it. I have to trust these feelings. They're all I've got.

"Vince! I don't know...I mean...WHAT?!"

For one heart stopping moment, I think I've got it all wrong. But then I look at him. I mean really look at him. He's blushing all the way to his roots. His eyes dart around, not daring to look directly at me. He looks nervous. Embarrassed. Humiliated even. Oh god. I must be right. He thinks I'm winding him up though. I can tell. He also looks hurt. This is probably why I gabble in a rush (before I can change my mind):

"But don't worry 'coz I do love you too."

He gasps yet again, yet this one manages to sound completely different. At first I think it's because he's shocked and happy (who wouldn't be?!). Like the way they react in all those daft soap operas we both pretend not to watch.

Then the voice that replies to me is so full of despair, full of hurt and sarcasm that I realise with a sinking heart, he doesn't believe me.

"Very funny Vince," He chokes, a sob tangled in his voice as he turns from me and legs it. Runs away yet again.

"Howard! Wait!" I bellow, suddenly feeling VERY frustrated.

He doesn't stop. Doesn't even turn around. But this time I'm not giving up...

* * *

Why do I always seem to be running these days?

I slow down as I finally reach our flat. Not the smartest place to hide, I know, but give me a break. It's hard to think straight when you heart has been stomped on.

How could he be so cruel? He must know there's some truth in what he accused me of. He's not that stupid. But then again, I bet it was Naboo who helped him to suss it all out. Right, he's on my Hit List I'm telling ya. I'm gonna fly at him like a breeze block of pain...

I think of that day in the shop as I walk up the stairs. The way Vimce teased me - fake flirted with me. He's doing it again now, I just know it.

He can't have been serious. He said it like he was mocking me. And anyway, who say's 'I love you' in such a casual manner? A liar, that's who.

I slam the door on my way in.

How could he?

I stomp to my room and drag my suitcase on to my bed. I instantly begin to shove all my clothes into it - all unorganised and everything. That's just an indication state I'm in. For once, I'm too angry to be neat. Or even to cry.

_"You know you can't leave me."_

Oh yeah, really? Watch me.

I have to get out of here before he gets back. Especially now that he knows. I know I don't have much time but...

SLAM.

"Howard?"

Shit.

I decide to ignore him. I freeze. Maybe then, he'll think I'm not here.

"There you are!"

Then again, maybe not.

"Go away Vince." I say as I hear him barge into my room, making sure my back is turned to him. If I see that face, I know I'll crumple. And I can't let that happen.

"Oh Howard you goon, what you doing?!" His voice is shrill, edged with frustration and mockery. A wave of fury dries my tears as I spin to face him. He's frustrated??? What the hell does he have to be frustrated about?!

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting the hell out of here. I've bloody well had enough!" I -I am ashamed to say- screamed at him.

His eyes widened, "WHY?! What does it freaking take to make you stay?!" His voice was louder than mine, and I have to say, it did make me jump rather a lot.

"What?" My brain isn't working properly but still I try to force a reply, "I'll tell you what I want. I want-

"Shut up Howard!" He interrupts me angrily (sadly, even in a moment like this I find his sudden bout of bossiness shamefully adorable) "You listen to me right? I LOVE YOU! I mean really love you, you idiot!!!! This isn't a game. It's not a way to make you stay.- I LOVE YOU!!!"

Oh!

* * *

Did I really just say that?!

Or has my body been hijacked by Old Gregg or something? Coz even to my ears, that sounded a little creepy!

I study Howard's reaction. His lips wobble as he looks all confused and freaked out. He's so adorable.

Waiting for him to say something is just too much. That, and his newfound cuteness gives me the overwhelming urge to do what I did next.

Which was to pull his face to mine and kiss him passionately.

Yeah, I'm a real minx. So sue me!

I put my arms around him as he does the same to me (finally - phew!). My mouth happily melds against his as I laugh into the kiss, thinking I'm going to explode from all this happiness. He's kissing me. I mean really kissing me back! His body is all hot and heavy against mine...

"Vince...I-

"Ssssh!" I order, not wanting him to say anything. Not wanting him to stop kissing me for one second. Not wanting him to ever stop.

"But Vince, I just wanna say..." I nibble his lip gently, trying to distract him. I can't let him stop. I **won't** let him.

He pulls away a bit, "Vince!" He laughs looking puzzled, "Let me talk! I just want to say I love you too."

Oh, right! Well a momentary pause is acceptable for that of course!

I look at him and smile (from ear to ear, I'm sure) - as if to say_ I know (_and "_yay!")-_ before pulling him back into me again.

He trails hot kisses down my neck, his hands seem to be all over me at once. It's so explosive, as if he really wants me, yet still manages to be gentle and exciting. I've never felt anything like it. And I know, I'll never want to with anyone else but him ever again.

He lifts me up as I wrap my legs around his waist. The suitcase gets pushed off the bed as we fall backwards on to it. Clothes are ripped off, the desire to get closer, to feel skin on skin is impossible to resist. Somehow I just know we're _so_ going to make up for lost time...!

* * *

So the story has a happy ending for both of us. Who'd have thought a guy like Vince Noir would fall for someone like me? Apparently, he'd always felt the same way as I did. Surprising, I know! Seeing as we're so different and all...

I look at his sleeping figure that's draped across my bare chest in the dark. It feels like the most natural thing ever. I'm exhausted, but I've never felt happier. I softly push some of his hair out of his face before snuggling back down next to him.

I really am the luckiest man in the world.

Damn. I just know Naboo's gonna brag tomorrow about knowing all along (he's **so** not on my Hit List anymore though)!

Don't go looking so smug now! You know we'll still drive each other absolutely crazy, like we always do.

But for once, I've never been more glad to have been in someone's shadow for so long.

And you know what? He was so worth the wait!

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**Hehe! Okay, that got kind of heavy at the end...but hey, it was meant to be a darker story and all...**

**I hope you liked. Feedback always appreciated! xxxx

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